- “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”
- “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.”
- “I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.”
- “How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!”
- “I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”
- “Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the ‘no-bell’ prize.”
- “I’ve got a great joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.”
- “I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.”
- “I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner — it was just gathering dust!”
- “I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I’ve never looked back since.”
- “You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.”
- “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”
- “Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the ‘P’ is silent.”
- “What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.”
- “What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.”
- “I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!”
- “Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!”
- “If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?”
- “I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.”
- “It takes guts to be an organ donor.”
- “If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?”
- “I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!”
- “I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.”
50 Funny Jokes
Have a good laugh over these clean jokes you can tell your friends and kids without getting in trouble! I hope they will think they are seriously funny jokes!
1 Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2 Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3 What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4 What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5 What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6 Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7 What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8 How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9 What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10 What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11 Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12 Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13 Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14 Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15 Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16 Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17 Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
18 What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
19 Why are teddy bears never hungry? Because they’re always stuffed!
20 Why did the tree go to the dentist? It needed a root canal.
21 If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes.
22 Why couldn’t the pony sing? Because she was a little hoarse.
23 Where do cows go for entertainment? The mooooo-vies!
24 What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
25 How does NASA organize a party? They planet.
26 Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!
27 What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.
28 What’s an astronaut’s favorite candy? A Mars bar.
29 Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
30 Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.
31 What do you get when you cross a snake with a pie? A pie-thon!
32 Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
33 What’s the most musical part of the chicken? The drumstick.
34 Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
35 How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat? When it’s full.
36 What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.
37 Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
38 What do you call a group of disorganized cats? A cat-tastrophe.
39 Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
40 Where do you learn to make banana splits? At sundae school.
41 How do you tell if a vampire is sick? By how much he is coffin.
42 Why are ghosts good cheerleaders? Because they have a lot of spirit!
43 What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
44 Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game? Their bats flew away.
45 Why did the school kids eat their homework? Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake.
46 Why are hairdressers never late for work? Because they know all the short cuts!
47 What is the difference between a teacher and a train? One says, “Spit out your gum,” and the other says, “Choo choo choo!”
48 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
49 How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
50 What is the tallest building in the entire world? The library, because it has so many stories.
51 How do trees access the internet? They log in.
52 What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks.
53 Why did the painting go to jail? It was framed.
54 Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Because she ran away from the ball.
55 Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.
56 Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your type.”
57 Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? Because he was a little shellfish.
laughing emogi
How about a few math jokes?
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Sit in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why should the number 288 never be mentioned? It’s two gross.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had so many problems.
Why was six scared of seven? Because seven “ate” nine
